While reading Joe's recent entry, I think I had a minor revelation.
I have never been truly passionate about anything.
I have been amazed and excited by things. I have been interested in things. I have looked forward to things. I have appreciated things, liked things, loved things, wanted to experience more of some things, but I can't remember feeling really passionate about any particular thing.
There were the guitar lessons, the photography classes, the boxes of baseball cards, the hundreds of CDs, the grad school applications, the chess games, the web design, and the late nights at work, all of them indicating a desire to find something I could really get behind.
If I were more passionate about something, I believe I could make it work for me. I could dedicate my life to that thing, trying to perfect it, while knowing that it could never be perfected. I could work on it all day, think about it in the evenings, and dream about it at night. I know people who have that kind of passion. They know what they need to do and they're constantly trying to figure out how to do it.
I have only a passion for procrastination and a passion for finding my passion. And I'm passionate about my family, of course.
This passion for procrastination helps me in my quest for a true passion, but it also hinders me. Procrastination allows me the time to search for my true passion, but it clouds my judgment. The task I use to procrastinate always seems more exciting than the task I am putting off. But is it really more interesting? It's more like a passion of the day. I'm really just projecting passion onto it.
I believe that when you are passionate about something, you don't even find the need to procrastinate. You are dedicated to achieving your goal, and want to spend your time doing so. I'm not saying that you won't take a break every once in a while (everyone needs a break), I'm just saying that you won't get bored while exploring your passion.
If you are passionate, I applaud and envy you. If and when I find my passion, or realize that I already have it, I'll be sure to let you know.
Posted at 09:16:43 | TrackBack