snugglebug.

I don't know much about the whole nature-vs.-nurture argument, but I do know that my kid is not cuddly. He was, in the beginning. God, I could just look at that picture all day long, with him in the diaper we hadn't yet realized was way too small, and my look of exhaustion after having tried to soothe him for hours, with that last vestige of baby belly a few weeks old.

At first he really insisted on constant warmth, and would fall asleep on my chest constantly. In fact I spent the first month or so prodding him awake through each feeding, as he would drift off still latched onto my boob. Then something happened and he stopped falling asleep on me. In fact, he wouldn't sleep at all unless he was swaddled and just left alone (kind parently soothing was constantly drowned out with screams translated roughly to Leave! Me! Alone!).

When he had his first cold we tried bringing him into bed with us, but that just made him scream louder. We can't even sleep on the futon in his bedroom because he can pick up his head high enough to see us and that makes him scream at us.

But lately, on rare occasions, it seems that I have regained my position as comforter. I catch him trying to reach out his arms for me to take him when he's upset. I pick him up when he's tired and he melts onto my shoulder, instead of pushing me away. When he is nursing, he pats my chest with his free hand or reaches up and touches my lips with a finesse he doesn't exhibit with anyone else.

And last week, after Marc left for work, and I'd fed J, instead of putting the baby back in the crib, I curled up with him on my bed and we both drifted back to sleep. He doesn't fit in the nook between my chin and my thighs anymore, but if we both fold our legs just right we make a nice little lopsided yin-yang. He tugs on the blankets and pushes me closer and closer to the edge of the bed and I woke up each time with a sore back, but it's totally worth it.

It doesn't work every time. If he's not tired he'll just maul my face with his fingernails while trying to pluck my eyeballs and teeth and babble DADADADADABLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHNANANANANANA until we get up. I'm hoping that we'll keep working on the snuggling, though. Especially now that the weather's getting colder, because he owes me a bunch of heat after I spent last winter warming him via hot flash.